To Work or Not to Work: that is the question

Why is it when you actually wake up when you intended all your children wake up 1hour early? That is how my morning is starting off. To make it even better I have thrush (yeast infection on the nipple and/or milk ducts). So my nipple hurts, and I have shooting pains in my breast. But with my treatment DJ and I will soon be back to normal.

When I went to college, I envisioned my 26 year old self to be a career woman, possibly in school getting my doctorate in psychology (Psy D.).  Never in a million years did I imagine having my first child at 21.  After graduating, I searched for a job that would allow me use my degree, while being able to spend quality time with Kaleah. Needless to say I never found what I was looking for and ended up staying home (which was the best thing I could have done). After I had Kiara I started looking for something I could do at home with the kids, while earning some extra money. With reservations I became a Mary Kay consultant, and had very successful start.   Kaleah was 3 1/2, Kiara was 9 months, I was able to work my business 2 days a week with no problems.  I loved my business. Then life threw us another curve ball, DJ.  Through out my pregnancy I really didn’t feel like working, and I really didn’t.  Fast forward to now.  For the last two months I have picked up my business again and things have been great. In fact I’m working on earning my car! 

So whats wrong? I keep asking my self that.  Why do I feel so out of balance?  Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem leaving the kids for a while (trust me with 3 kids I need the break). It has been hard maintaining a non-chaotic life. On the days I do work, I’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get ready.  Maybe its just me, I know some moms with small kids who don’t have a problem. One might say if you don’t need the money, don’t work. Good idea.

But, on the other hand, I still have the drive and motivation for a career of my own.  Its almost a no win situation. I work, and feel pulled in a million different directions, or I don’t and wish that was.  I don’t know the answer to this question.  But, I do know that the most important job is to raise my children and to be good to Duan. I’m coming to realize that I have so caught up trying to work that I have neglected myself.  The time I should spend on myself spiritually and physically (working out) has been used to work. 

Many woman would argue that in our “progressive” society woman can have it all; the husband, career, and children. In the end something has to give, and most of the time it is not the career that is does.  Usually the one that suffers is the mother who is so over stressed they seldom have true quality time with the ones they love.  I’m not saying that women can’t lead a fulfilled life working and raising children, its just that something in their life is left un-attended (usually the woman).

I would like to think that the purpose of life is not money or the material things it can buy, but the relationships we build and maintain. As get my life back in balance I’m going to keep that in mind.  I need to make sure that I keep myself and my family before any chance to advance my career. With that said I’m going to enjoy the May snow day (Colorado weather is crazy), grab a cup of hot chocolate and play with my children! Have a wonderful day and don’t forget who is really important in your life.

Much Love, Reneca 😉

* I welcome any comments that may help me find the answer!

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