To Work or Not to Work: that is the question

Why is it when you actually wake up when you intended all your children wake up 1hour early? That is how my morning is starting off. To make it even better I have thrush (yeast infection on the nipple and/or milk ducts). So my nipple hurts, and I have shooting pains in my breast. But with my treatment DJ and I will soon be back to normal.

When I went to college, I envisioned my 26 year old self to be a career woman, possibly in school getting my doctorate in psychology (Psy D.).  Never in a million years did I imagine having my first child at 21.  After graduating, I searched for a job that would allow me use my degree, while being able to spend quality time with Kaleah. Needless to say I never found what I was looking for and ended up staying home (which was the best thing I could have done). After I had Kiara I started looking for something I could do at home with the kids, while earning some extra money. With reservations I became a Mary Kay consultant, and had very successful start.   Kaleah was 3 1/2, Kiara was 9 months, I was able to work my business 2 days a week with no problems.  I loved my business. Then life threw us another curve ball, DJ.  Through out my pregnancy I really didn’t feel like working, and I really didn’t.  Fast forward to now.  For the last two months I have picked up my business again and things have been great. In fact I’m working on earning my car! 

So whats wrong? I keep asking my self that.  Why do I feel so out of balance?  Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem leaving the kids for a while (trust me with 3 kids I need the break). It has been hard maintaining a non-chaotic life. On the days I do work, I’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get ready.  Maybe its just me, I know some moms with small kids who don’t have a problem. One might say if you don’t need the money, don’t work. Good idea.

But, on the other hand, I still have the drive and motivation for a career of my own.  Its almost a no win situation. I work, and feel pulled in a million different directions, or I don’t and wish that was.  I don’t know the answer to this question.  But, I do know that the most important job is to raise my children and to be good to Duan. I’m coming to realize that I have so caught up trying to work that I have neglected myself.  The time I should spend on myself spiritually and physically (working out) has been used to work. 

Many woman would argue that in our “progressive” society woman can have it all; the husband, career, and children. In the end something has to give, and most of the time it is not the career that is does.  Usually the one that suffers is the mother who is so over stressed they seldom have true quality time with the ones they love.  I’m not saying that women can’t lead a fulfilled life working and raising children, its just that something in their life is left un-attended (usually the woman).

I would like to think that the purpose of life is not money or the material things it can buy, but the relationships we build and maintain. As get my life back in balance I’m going to keep that in mind.  I need to make sure that I keep myself and my family before any chance to advance my career. With that said I’m going to enjoy the May snow day (Colorado weather is crazy), grab a cup of hot chocolate and play with my children! Have a wonderful day and don’t forget who is really important in your life.

Much Love, Reneca 😉

* I welcome any comments that may help me find the answer!

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2 Responses

  1. Hello Reneca,

    I too have felt this way- I am earning my Bachelor in English (only 45 credits left- yipeee). Though I did not start college until I had my fourth child. I felt like I wanted to do something. I had been a stay at home since I was pregnant with my third child and even though I had a lot to do I felt like I wasn’t doing enough. I started my first semester when my fourth child was 6 weeks old. I feel that if I am going to be home anyway I might as well be doing something purposeful that will assist me when re-entering the workforce. As if being a mother of 4 was not purposeful enough. Now that my fourth child will be entering preschool this coming school year my husband is dropping hints that it is time to start looking. I have become accustomed to being a full time mother so I am beginning to feel lost on what I should be doing. I have come to think of my purpose in life is to be the best mother possible. On a side note- my son has mild Autism and ADHD so a lot of my time is dedicated to researching and implementing natural methods/ behavioral strategies, etc… to assist him in being as successful as possible. I also wanted to seek a job that I could stay at home but also contribute an income to my family- so I went the route of a Pampered Chef consultant. My position lasted 2 years and I found that it was not worth all the planning, and stress to be a successful kitchen consultant- though I have a kitchen full of products now : ) Being in this position helped me regardless because it fueled my interest in food/ cooking and from this I merged into natural cooking. Though I would not consider myself an expert- I do have a lot of knowledge in this area that has helped my family tremendously. We will be starting our own garden soon. We also live in Colorado so timing the last frost is tricky but I think we will be safe by next week? I am a sponge when it comes to information that will help my family whether it is natural methods/ natural cooking/ natural living/ behavioral methods/ parenting tips, etc… I noticed your blog about a week ago and I added you to my blogroll at http://blessedfamilyofflowers.wordpress.com/

    I also believe that “I would like to think that the purpose of life is not money or the material things it can buy, but the relationships we build and maintain.”
    Best of luck in your journey : )

    Jennifer Hyatt

  2. Hello,
    just wanted to invite you to my blog (If I haven’t already- I have a new home)at http://www.drunkdreamer8.com if you needed some encouragment today.
    C.Apana

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