Is chivalry dead?

What ever happened to chivalry?  When did it become okay for men to look out only for themselves?  Yesterday, in the middle of making our pinwheels my mom called for help with her flat tire.  I packed all three kids up and headed to her.  The tire was so flat that driving to put more air in it is out of the question.  The only option is to change it.  I jacked the car up, took off the lug nuts and the tire, put the new tire on, and tightened up the lug nuts.  (Through this whole deal its about 90 degrees!) I’m sweating like I just ran a marathon, DJ’s crying and the girls are going ballistic in the heat, when finally a young man asked us if we could use any assistance.  By this time we were done, so all I could say was “no, but thank you”.  I really wanted to say was ‘Thanks for being the only man out of about 10 who drove or walked right passed a grandmother, 2 kids, a baby and a mother changing a tire in the middle of an Albertson’s parking lot.’ 

Okay, I do know how to change a tire, and we weren’t in the middle of know where; so we weren’t in any real danger. However, a generation or two ago men (suit and all) would have loved to come rescue a woman and her kids.  When did chilvery die?  Thats my question.  After thinking on it for awhile one word kept popping in my head.  FEMINISM.  Don’t get me wrong, the feminist movement has given woman so many  great advances.  We are able to do pretty much what ever we want.  But this I can do everything, don’t need the help of a man attitude, has left  me with an aching back.

My back is not the only thing that has suffered because of this feminist attitude.  Many woman prance around like they do not need a man, and guess what, their men leave them.  (Who would really want to stay where they are not needed.) So now you have tons of women raising their children by themselves, only to start the cylce again when their sons do the same as their fathers. There are men who are just jerks, and would be jerks no matter how a woman treated him.  But, there are lots of men who want to take care and protect a woman.  I guess the real question isn’t where chivalry went; but why will we not let men take care of us? Really think about it, when was the last time you let your husband do something for you? Like take out the trash, or open the pickle jar.  I know you can do yourself but men need to feel like they are needed to. 

Kalisha and I have read a great book that touches on this point. The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by    Dr. Laura Schlessinger.  If you have a chance you should really buy it or check it out at the library. 

Take care of yourself, your husbands and your children.

Much love, Reneca

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6 Responses

  1. Came here b/c of your df. But you nail it. It’s that womens right thing that changed. Raise all your children right. Another good book to read is Men of steel & velvet, Fascinated Womanhood/Girlhood & How you can change your husband.
    Women forgot how to be a woman. You should have told that young man exactly that. They need to know that chivalry is needed.
    There are plenty of things that I can do like my hubby but then I am taken his manhood away. At times I even fake it.
    Lets face it. God didn’t make us the same for a reason. He knew what he was doing.

  2. Your story reminded me of a time when I was HUGELY pregnant with my first daughter. HUGE. No one could have thought otherwise. I got onto a crowded ferry to go see a friend. There were a few empty seats so I approached and politely asked, “Is anyone sitting here?” just as a courtesy, thinking of course no one would refuse a pregnant woman a seat. Would you believe FOUR people said, “Actually, someone’s sitting there, they just got up for a minute…”!!! I was so surprised I was almost in tears. I was so exhausted. Finally an old man in the back leaped up and let me sit down. He was so appalled watching me waddle down the aisle with no seat that his jaw had dropped open. I’ve also seen people not let parents sit down on buses even when they’re carrying a child in their arms! I almost always stop for broken down cars (or at least get my husband to! : ) ) because I have SO BEEN THERE. I have broken down in more parking lots than I can list so my sympathy just wells up when I see that.

  3. I agree. As a a man who was a happy bachelor and is now a happy husband and father to a girl, I wanted to chime in with my perspective.

    Feminism has been good in some of the choices it opened up to more women. It has also been bad in some things, as in when and where it has painted men, as a gender, as the enemy of women. It has been bad in telling women that their wants are more important than the well-being of their own children, or when it tells women that they MUST make THIS choice, because that is the choice that wasn’t open to their mothers or grandmothers.

    Men and women are complimentary to each other. Yes, a woman can have a happy and full life without a man as a partner, and vice-versa. But the human race needs men and women a groups to cooperate, not war with each other, and if we want to raise the next generation with the best conditions possible, we need women and men to marry and love their spouse as someone who is on their side, not someone is a rival.

  4. I can’t believe that you had so many men drive by without stopping! What a sad sign of the times. In conversation, I’ve had men tell me that they hesitate to open a door for a woman because they don’t know what kind of reaction they are going to get from her. Personally, I make a big point to smile and say “Thank You” to any man who stops and makes such a gesture. Feminism has kicked men out of their rightful place and made them to feel useless and stupid. It’s also created a generation of men who don’t know what to do with themselves. They are afraid to be real men.

  5. This is a great post. I am writing a book on this very thing. It is such a touchy topic, whenever I talk about respecting men a woman inevitably pipes up with “But you don’t know my man, he never does any thing that deserves respect. I can do everything better than he can and I’m smarter too.” Or “I can’t believe you think it’s okay for my husband to abuse me.” The feminism pendulum swung way too far out of balance, but as feminists are passing away, women are starting to want to be taken care of again. (Well, we’ve always wanted it,but the culture told us not to) We’ve got to let our men know that they matter, that we won’t take their head off when they show some manners, that we don’t feel weak, but we do want to be taken care of. Thanks for the great post.

  6. I’m a little “old fashioned” myself- I just truely believe that 9 times out of 10, the husband should go provide for the family and take care of their temporal needs and the wife should be at home with the kids.

    It’s not sexist- its realistic: sure, its 2008, but men still make significantly more money for the same job than women do. It’s just smart to have the man be the provider- they can almost always make more money.

    My husband (as do many that I know) will openly confess that they just couldn’t stay at home with the kids. They just couldn’t do it. We are biologically the better choice for main care-giver, not to mention we generally have the most training for the job.

    I too like to let my husband know that I need him: I need his money!!! Haha! =)

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